The ‘I’ Tag

The sweet straight talking lady of cyberspace tagged me with this confessional tag. Then another sweet lady who wants to say something about everything asked me to tag her after I completed the tag. So, I didn’t have much choice and here goes:

I am thinking about whether I will be able to complete my the current assignment on time :-) Just kidding… Seriously I often think about how different my life would have been if I had not met with the accident.

I said always believe in your instincts and gut feeling and do what you want to do without worrying about what others might say.

I want people to be more understanding and compassionate. I also want happiness, satisfaction and success.

I wish I could read and write books, listen to music and watch movies all the time.

I miss a lot of things—the list is very long, I miss all the things that I couldn’t do :-(

I hear the soft music of ‘Pure Tranquility’ by Stephen Rhodes (The Pure Series) from my music system.

I wonder how I am able to cope with my accident and spinal cord injury. (I thank my family and friends for helping me to do this; yes you, you and you…)

I regret nothing. (Original copyright holder of this is Quills; since I also don’t have any regrets and couldn’t have expressed it so succinctly, I borrowed it. Thank you Q)

I am an island with a very few visitors.

I dance when I have muscle spasms :-)

I sing to scare people away.

I cry when I am alone and after I had gone to bed in the night. I cry for no apparent reason—no trigger, no fights. I think this is a pressure release valve my body and mind have devised. I cry so hard (noiselessly, of course) and the feeling is so intense that I feel completely exhausted after that. But it has a therapeutic effect and the next day, I feel much stronger and better. This happens once in a few months (this was one of my best kept secrets :-( )

I am not a very serious person. In fact, I am an easy going and fun loving person. But most people think I am a very serious person (I don’t know why…)

I write whenever I can.

I confuse between left and right—am always very bad at giving directions and even worse at following them.

I need my support system—my brother, my family and my friends.

I should try to control my temper.

I finish by wishing all the very best to all my friends in their personal and professional lives.

I pass on this to:

  1. Kusum
  2. Ganja Turtle
  3. Dewaker
  4. Abhi
  5. Dhanush

I hope you will take up this tag when you have time, am sure you will enjoy it. I also thank Quills for tagging me. It was a nice experience doing this.

44 Comments

  1. silverine Said,

    August 22, 2006 @ 10:16 pm

    Me first!!! ( I hope)

    Nice sweet, sad and happy , thoughful and profound tag!! Crying is therapeutic..I agree, leaves you exhausted but calm, have cried a lot over my dead doggies so I know :(

    ” wish I could read and write , listen to music and watch movies all the time” LOL dont we all and add work too to the list!!

    I regret nothing is something I wrote too when Jina tagged me :)

    I need my support system: Ditto

    Very very insightful tag!!

  2. Quills Said,

    August 22, 2006 @ 10:28 pm

    Beautiful Alexis! I sighed, cried, laughed, and had a variety of other emotions while reading your tag.

    And you know, I have said this before, but once again here goes, you inspire me!

    Thanks for taking up this so soon. I am honored. :)

    @silverine: I empathize with you over the pain of losing one’s pet dog. I still cry when I think about it. I can truly understand.

  3. thanu Said,

    August 22, 2006 @ 10:39 pm

    It brings a lot of emotions together. So how are u these days?

  4. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 22, 2006 @ 10:40 pm

    silverine: Yes, you are first. Things like becoming third or fourth by the time one writes the comment happen only on your site :-)

    Thank you. Yes crying is therapeutic. No regrets…Good. Thanks once again. Now I look forward to reading your tag.

    Quills: Thanks quills. It was a very nice experience doing the tag and thank you very much for tagging me.

    Thanu: Thank you Thanu. Life is a little hectic due to the approaching manuscript submission deadline. But otherwise things are fine.

  5. Unnikrishnan G Nair Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 12:08 am

    To be able to cry out is amongst the best of stress and emotion releivers… I have not cried for the last 5 years, even when my Grandmom passed away… She was the only one grand parent I had and I was pretty close to her, but I dont know why, I did not even shed a single tear on seeing her body, picking her, laying her on the funeral pyre and even lighting it… Everyone around me were crying but I was unable to cry for reasons unknown to me… I had tried crying later on alone but… I think my tear glands have gone dry… I am no macho to hide my emotions, but my unknown alter ego stops everything from being shown on my face!! :-(

    Wish I could say I regret nothing like you… I regret not being able to regret some of my actions, even when I knew they were wrong.

    Unnikrishnan G Nair.

  6. Dhanush Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 10:45 am

    Just as all said, you have put in every emotions out there. And as I read through I realised that I too have lot of things in common, especially the temper stuff, being not a serious person but the ppl think otherwise and confuse giving directions. :)

    Surely will take up. I have to take Silverine’s Tag too :(

  7. Abhishek Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 11:22 am

    Dear Mr. Leon,

    It has been half an year since I have been a frequent and a silent visitor to your blog. I decided to break the tradition after your last post.

    Your stories have been a constant source of inspiration for me, especially at times, when things get tough out here at work and in life…

    I want to thank you for the positive influence you have had in my life, and for your resilience and of course the posts laced with sharp wit and humor…

    Allow me to present one poem I wrote years ago:

    You are but a child..
    A child in the field of stars…
    A giggle of a flower greeting the rains for the first time…
    A helpless laughter rolling in ecstasy…

    Innocence untouched and undiscovered by all those who came upon you and yet, here as we sit silently by this river, you outshine the moon…
    Do you not wait for a drizzle to come?
    Do you not wish to fly like a leaf in the wind?

    Why should this flower be sad or unsure, when it commands all that love is to me…?

    Should a storm come and rages through it, should it shrivel, knowing when it does, that drizzle is not far away…

    Why should it cry for the places it left, people it loved, choices it made, when on a night like this, there is this strange beauty yet to be discovered…?

    Regards
    Abhishek Kumar
    Blog: http://abhicomet.blogspot.com

  8. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 12:30 pm

    Unni: So you belong to the ‘men don’t cry’ category. I can cry even while watching a touching movie or reading a moving story. Besides being a stress and emotion reliever, crying is good for the eyes (no need for artificial tears :-) ).

    Dhanush: Thanks Dhanush. Yes you looked very serious in your earlier photograph—like a mafia don :-) Since the current one shows only a side view and that to a filtered/diffused one, the features are not very clear. Looking forward to reading your tags.

    Abhishek: Welcome to my blog and thank you for your comments. Nice poem. I have always a great respect for poets as that is a talent that is God given. Keep writing the poems.

  9. Sreejith Kumar Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 3:26 pm

    I should try to control my temper.

    LOL!

    So you cry, and that too once in a few months, and again with no apparent reason? This is some new information to me that it is sanative. But surely, I know it helps relieving one’s pain. But I experience that whenever there is a reason to cry. Would you ideate something for such a situation?

  10. Paresh Said,

    August 23, 2006 @ 10:39 pm

    Read the tag for nth time before commenting. No intelligent thing to say. I feel so small. One more thing in the list that I’d learn from you – i.e. to cry, I can’t bring myself to do it easily. Whenever I do, it is at top of my voice, so, better avoid it.

    Singing to scare people – ROFL.

    Dancing – I do the same – my whole body shakes.

    Finally, you’re the best in doing tags.

  11. Alex Said,

    August 24, 2006 @ 2:30 am

    “Seriously I often think about how different my life would have been if I had not met with the accident.”

    I am recuperating from an accident i had too, 4 months back. I realised that if it had not happened i wouldnt be as happy as i am now. (I had an internal fixation done)

    The first month was only pain and tears.

    Now its joy and happiness with the aid of a walker! :)

  12. LALITHA Said,

    August 24, 2006 @ 7:26 am

    Alexis..was nice to read this tag. I am bad at directions also. I feel good after crying, it somehow releases all the pent up feelings. thats good that you have no regrets. I am working on that one.

  13. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 24, 2006 @ 11:10 am

    Sreejith: Yes crying is sanative. It releases the mental stress and the pent up emotions before it becomes too harmful to the body and spirit. That is why I said that it is like a pressure releasing valve. I am a very sensitive person; yes I have created a tough and ‘if you touch me, I will kill you’ image. This is a typical Cancerian defense mechanism. But I can get hurt by even small things and minor incidents. And I don’t forget these things easily (one of the drawbacks of a good memory). So these negative feelings, frustrations, helplessness, pain, and so on keeps building up and when they reach a certain level it erupts as tears. I think the safety level developed by my body and mind acts as the trigger. That is why said for no apparent reason. It is like a dam bursting and after that I feel pure clam, absolute tranquility and serenity.

    Paresh: Dancing, yes I understand completely. I think there are other alternatives like meditation and other relaxation techniques which are equally effective as crying.

    Alex: Welcome to my blog. I wish you a very speedy recovery. But there is a slight difference when the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off permanently :-)

    LALITHA: Thanks Lalitha. So if I gave you directions to some place, then it would be catastrophic :-)

  14. James Bright Said,

    August 24, 2006 @ 6:52 pm

    That was a very nice tag Alexis. You made it very touching like you always do.
    My best wishes.
    BTW , kindly check my new blog.

    Love,

    James.

  15. Mind Curry Said,

    August 25, 2006 @ 2:05 am

    i think this tag leaves you with no choice but to let it all out from the heart..and so it becomes so beautiful reading through the post..i really enjoyed it. May you always have what it takes to write so seamlessly and yet so beautifully.

  16. chekku Said,

    August 25, 2006 @ 9:25 am

    buddy that was one frank post..Nice to know that u have blown out one of your best kept secrets!! ;)

    Even am looked at as if am godamn serious …But blunders i make often makes it a non-lasting impression!! :)

    Nice one..

  17. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 25, 2006 @ 10:54 am

    James: Thank you James. Your new blog (or should I say blogs) looks really cool. And Typepad is a really good choice.

    Mind Curry: I can’t agree more with you brother. I am waiting to read your take at the tag. And thank you for the wishes.

    Mathew: These tags will make me reveal most of my secrets :-) Probably that is a book on bogging is titled naked conversations :-) And you look terrifying with your handlebar mustache ;-)

  18. Sreejith Kumar Said,

    August 25, 2006 @ 5:17 pm

    Re: Alexis Leon

    That was some engrossing explanation! Thanks a lot!

  19. Anand K Said,

    August 26, 2006 @ 9:17 am

    Ahhhhh………. “Pure Tranquility”! That’s a nice track… but for Relax Singh ;) I prefer something Celtic. The fave tracks of mine is “She Moved Through The Fair” by Feargal Sharkey, “Gaelic Cradle Song” by and “Madonna” by Era…. and of course those gems of mah own dahling, Enya!

    BTW, as the Raymond ad says , real Men DO cry!
    Last time I went to tears (didn’t sob though!) was when I watched “Kazcha”…. it somehow deeply touched my ice-cold, world weary and eternally pessimistic self. I don’t feel sad (or squeamish ordisturbed) when I see pics of kids killed in wars or sunsets or things like that, but it’s in instances where my faith in humanity is restored/cemented that I feel the tears welling up.

  20. chacko Said,

    August 26, 2006 @ 1:38 pm

    “I am not a very serious person. In fact, I am an easy going and fun loving person. But most people think I am a very serious person (I don’t know why…)”

    after changing the profile photo of mine, lot of people are asking me the same question :D … too bad that i didnt smile when they took the photo :D

  21. Alex Said,

    August 26, 2006 @ 3:15 pm

    You are awesome! I just went through your resume now! And i understood what it means to have the light shut out..but thats only for some, not for you…you are in the light and are helping others to see the light too.
    God bless you!

  22. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 26, 2006 @ 8:11 pm

    Sreejith: Thanks Sreejith. Nice that you liked the explanation.

    Anand: How are you buddy? You music taste is very refined—Sharkey, Madona, Enya, etc. I have listened to the Gaelic Cradle Song by Margie Butler, really cool. It was part of a 5CD set of Irish Festival Songs.

    I love Raymond :-) Yes, Kazcha was really touching movie. The last moment where the officer throws the address slip in the wastebasket disturbed me for a long time.

    chacko: Yes you look really serious in the new photo.

    Alex: Thank you Alex—for your kind words and the wishes.

  23. Gaurav Jain Said,

    August 27, 2006 @ 10:19 pm

    Hello Alexis,

    This was both fun and sad to read, but I must say you’re a brave and inspiring person!

    -Gaurav

  24. Pratap Said,

    August 28, 2006 @ 2:44 am

    You are so powerful. woow! I am amazed.

  25. Jagu Said,

    August 29, 2006 @ 1:38 am

    Hi Alexis…

    Hope you are fine. I read your break up of using your 24 hrs effectively.I have to do the same. I feel like I waste a lot of time over tivial stuffs. My Vacation wud be in Oct… Nov.. Would for sure love to come and meet you:)

  26. Ajith Said,

    August 29, 2006 @ 12:12 pm

    Dear Alexis,

    It is a truly inspiring to come across your brave initiatives…

    Wishing you all the very best in all your endeavours…

    I also work for TCS and infact was in the same project as yours, SIS till two years back….

    I have been through a couple of your mainframe books and have found them vast yet easy to comprehend….

    nice to have come across your web site and know more about you….

  27. Archu Said,

    August 29, 2006 @ 2:59 pm

    Well…i cud never b late than this to ever post a comment on some1’s blog…but wat the heck with frnds there is no time limit…hopefully :D ….

    Had done this tag too….n yeah same here NO REGRETS!!!

    “I dance when I have muscle spasms ” mannn…this was humorous if i may say so…but trust me…if u can match some characters who show up in Mumbai disc….then u wud know u were infact spasming with some rhythm atleast…coz Alexis i have seen the worst kinds…u wud b better than them am sure…we mallu’s have a thing for dancing!!!!

    “I sing to scare people away” : Gosh….i do this all the time…but it never worked…guess i wud need intense training from u on this…maybe when i come to kerela…v cud start with learning, as my father calls it…..Kazyada ragam!!! Hehehe….

    N if i may so again….guess it time to stop sulking in the past…coz u have made ur present so beautiful within ur means…then imagine wat ur future would be….God has plans for all of us….our program up there is well coded ….so STOP THINKING wat u think!!! n move on…(n this part of the comment was inspired by ur I SAID section…….”do what you want to do without worrying about what others might say”) so i say to my dearest frnd…wat i wanna say, like he likes to take!!!

    Cheers!!! n yeah Onashamsakal!!!

  28. venus Said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 12:30 am

    I am an island! I like that :)

    I also cry sometimes, it’s kind of vent for me too..

    I can also mess up in giving directions between left and right, I’ll point the right direction, but my words might not match ;)

  29. Suji Said,

    August 30, 2006 @ 6:58 pm

    Very insightful tag, Alexis! I realised that there are a few things which are common between us. I am very poor at giving and taking directions too. I actually have to think with which hand i write or eat before saying left and right :) Secondly, I am not a serious person, but ppl think I am very serious. And lastly, I too cry once in a while at night with no apparent reason or trigger and that is the only time i cry.

    Nanma niranja Onashamsakal! Going for a small break so won’t be able to wish you on Thiruvonam.

  30. Alexis Leon Said,

    August 31, 2006 @ 12:10 am

    Gaurav: Thanks Gaurav.

    Pratap: Thanks…

    Jagu: Thanks Jagu. I would love to meet you. Just give me a call when are in town.

    Ajith: Hi Ajith, a pleasant surprise to meet an ex Sega project member in cyberspace. Hope you are fine.

    Archu: Thank you for your comments. I am not sulking in the past. I live in the present and look forward to the future. But I can never forget the past. I think no one ever should. My personal opinion :-) I too wish you a very happy and prosperous Onam.

    venus: Thank you. Many people with orientation problems. That’s comforting :-)

    Suji: Thanks Suji. I also do the same thing— think with which hand i write or eat before saying left and right. But you look serious, may be since you were very seriously looking at the monitor at that time :-) The crying with no apparent reason or trigger is a coincidence! I also wish you a very happy, fun-filled and prosperous Onam.

  31. Dewaker Basnet Said,

    September 1, 2006 @ 2:08 am

    as always, been a great read..u are amazing alexis..always feel so nice to read ur stuff…:)
    thanks for tagging me..but thanks to my ignorance could not figure out how to use it :)
    tried to find it in google but so many complex terms..just confused me :) can i request u like i did last time..:)

  32. flyawaymind Said,

    September 4, 2006 @ 6:35 pm

    onasamsakal..have a superb day!!!

  33. Alexis Leon Said,

    September 4, 2006 @ 7:12 pm

    Dewaker: Thanks buddy. I have mailed you the instructions on how to do the tag.

    Flyawaymind: Thank you and wishing you the same.

  34. poison Said,

    September 5, 2006 @ 9:05 am

    :-) i also cry when no one’s around…esp these days.

  35. chacko Said,

    September 5, 2006 @ 5:23 pm

    ഏന്റെ ഒരായിരം “ഓണാശംസകള്‍”

    so how was u r onam ?

  36. Alexis Leon Said,

    September 5, 2006 @ 7:46 pm

    poison: Homesick? All the best for Mumabi…
    chacko: Thanks and same to you buddy. As usual. Nothing special.

  37. Kusum Rohra Said,

    September 5, 2006 @ 9:05 pm

    First wish you a very happy Onam :)

    And now, this is such a lovely tag, you have opened up to your readers quite a lot.

    Even I confuse left and write, so while giving directions, you will always see me do the writing move, to check which is my right hand :)

    I completely agree, crying does help to relive you :)

    And I never sing to scare people!! They just get scared on their own whenever I sing, I just look at them and think ” What a coincidence!!” Everytime I sing people get scared !!! :)

    And thanks a million for tagging me with this, I completely enjoyed writing this one, just as much as I enjoyed reading yours.

  38. Kusum Rohra Said,

    September 5, 2006 @ 9:45 pm

    Aaargh I meant right** :D

  39. Alexis Leon Said,

    September 6, 2006 @ 11:57 am

    Kusum: Wishing you the same. May this Onam bring you happiness, prosperity and success.

    Yes, it is a tag that forces to open up, but it was nice doing it. Problem in giving directions, a lot of people have that. Until this post, I thought, I was the only one with such a problem :-)

    And I never sing to scare people!! They just get scared on their own whenever I sing ROFL.

    Pleasure is mine and thank you very much for taking the tag and doing it wonderfully.

  40. anu Said,

    September 6, 2006 @ 3:08 pm

    hmmm.. very touching.. my eyes r moist..
    but i cant imagine anger in you..!
    :) )

  41. Sreejith Kumar Said,

    September 7, 2006 @ 11:27 am

    Belated, but happy Onam sir……….

  42. Maya cassis Said,

    September 8, 2006 @ 3:30 am

    I cry in a similar manner and I feel the same after doing it.
    I guess it is one of the most powerful emotions and it helps us connect with our inner selves.

  43. priyanka Said,

    September 8, 2006 @ 11:31 pm

    is nice

  44. Alexis Leon Said,

    September 8, 2006 @ 11:41 pm

    anu: It is not anger. But I am short tempered and the reasons can be as small as handling the books carelessly, leaving a place unclean, not being prompt, doctors making me hours in the pre-operation room on a trolley for hours after telling me ‘we will start in 10 minutes’, etc.

    Sreejith: Thanks Sreejith. Wishing you the same.

    Maya: Very true.

    priyanka: Thanks

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