Gifts…
One of my cousins who got married a few days back came to visit me with his lovely wife. He works for a multinational IT organization. We had the cake and wine ceremony, had lunch and coffee and was chatting about the marriage ceremony and their honeymoon plans.
Then, suddenly my cousin asked me “Alexchetta, what is the mobile phone you are having?” I told him that I don’t have a mobile phone as I don’t require one—mobile phones are for people who are mobile. He seemed disappointed. Then he asked my brother whether he needed a mobile phone. My brother has a Treo 750, which is barely 2-months old, so he too declined the offer. My cousin was really disappointed. I asked him what his problem was. “Have you joined a mobile phone company?” I asked him. “No, no, but I think I will have to open an electronic store!” He replied.
I was amused. He was a funny person with a wonderful sense of humor and I thought it was part of some joke he was going to tell. But he was not joking. He had received about 12 mobile phones as wedding presents. He told me that he got 12 mobile phones, 18 iPods (from iPod Nano, iPod Shuffle to iPod 80 GB), 2 laptops, 4 digital cameras; the list went on and on. He was furious and fuming. “What am I going to do with all these?” He asked me. “If I sell all these gifts, I would have enough money to buy a car,” he mused. He was correct.
This is not an isolated problem; nor is it new. My sister got around 2 dozen pressure cookers, 18 milk cookers (yes, the ones with whistles) and a lot of non-stick vessels of different sizes and shapes as wedding presents. Now mobile phones have replaced the pressure cookers, MP3 players have taken the place of milk cookers (the fact both produces music is sheer coincidence), and other standard gifts of the last decade have been replaced with electronic gadgets and gizmos of all sizes and shapes.
The newly-wed couples are now faced with a new problem—gift disposal. They cannot just give it away as it will be offending the person who gave the gift. They cannot sell them as it would look bad. They cannot gift it to somebody else, as it would be considered unethical.
A gift is supposed to bring joy to the recipient. But if it is causing trouble instead, then it is better not to gift. These days, gifting a mobile phone is waste of money, as everybody has one (if not more). Also different people have different preferences about their mobile phone as it is something that they always carry with them.
Gifting a box of Swiss chocolates to a diabetes patient is not only wrong but also cruel. The poor soul has to use all his/her willpower not to consume those. Giving a carton of cigarettes to a person who had just quit smoking or giving a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label to a person trying to stop drinking is pure torture. So it is safe not to give any gifts, if you are not sure about the person’s likes and dislikes.
Many people know that I love books and I read a lot. But they make a mistake of gifting me books. In 90% of the cases, it will be a book that I already have. So money is wasted and I have to get rid of the extra copy.
A few years back, I read an article in Reader’s Digest. It was about how an ingenious couple solved the problem of unwanted gifts. In their wedding card, they had printed the address of a shop and asked people who want to give gifts to get them from that particular shop. The shop owner was given a list of items they preferred. So people who wanted to buy presents for the wedding could go to the specified shop and the shop owner would show the list. One could choose an item that was within one’s budget. Once an item is purchased, it is removed from the list, so there won’t be any duplicates. This is not an ideal solution, as all cannot go to the specified shop, but it was a start.
Now we are seeing some novel initiatives from on-line stores. For example, Amazon.com has a wish list, wedding registry and baby registry where you can add the list of items you need and your friends and relatives can access the registry, select and send the items listed there. Once an item is bought, it is removed from the list, thus eliminating duplicates. With on-line stores, the physical location of the person ordering and receiving the gifts is not an issue. Gifting has become easier, thanks to the Internet and WWW.
So, next time when you are buying a gift for a friend’s marriage, colleague’s farewell party, nephew’s birthday, or brother’s wedding anniversary, think whether gift is appropriate for the occasion, needed by the person, and will useful. Don’t waste your time and money on something that is of no use to the recipient.
In my opinion, the policy of giving and accepting gifts should be stopped. Instead of the material gifts, give your loved one’s something better—something that money can’t buy:
Give the gift of your time,
Give the gift of your love,
Give the gift of your knowledge,
Give the gift of your wisdom,
Give the gift of your support.
And finally…
Give them the gift of privacy by not intruding, disturbing or overstaying. Let them enjoy their time alone. If you are welcome and can liven up the atmosphere or make people happy, then by all means stay. Otherwise, say what you have to say, do what you have to do, and leave as soon as possible.
P.S. Now coming back to my cousin and his gifts, I was hoping that he would ask me whether I wanted one of the laptops. I would have accepted, as I wanted one. But he only offered me the mobile phones and iPods 
So Martin, if you are reading this, you know where to send the laptop to…
